We all like nice people right? Or are you like me and people that are too nice kind of make you suspicious? Maybe your gut says “there’s something not quite right here.” I like honest and honest isn’t always nice because honest people tell you the truth even when it’s not nice to hear it.
I try to be nice but fail at times. My true self wants to tell them, 'nope you don’t look good in that', 'yes you are getting out of shape' and 'no, you were wrong to shout at me like that'.
'Nice' lets your kids overeat. Nice makes you take one more drink when you’ve had enough and nice makes you do things you really don’t want to do. Young girls are told to be nice and that’s one of the reasons young men treat them so badly at times - they can get away with it and they too are living out the role they think they need to have. 'Honest' says no, honest stands it’s ground and honest aligns you with the person you should be, not the one others want you to be.
I’m not saying be cruel and I’m not saying put your feelings above everyone you come into contact with. I’m saying be you. Don’t try to be all things to all people. Be honest and the people who are ok with that will stick around and support you. If you give out a false sense of yourself then people will not really know the real you. And that is a shame because the real you is the one that will come out in the end, and the real you is the better you. Not the damaged you, the insecure you, not the socially anxious you and not the troubled you.
It’s the you that you want to be; it’s the you that you would have been if others hadn’t messed you up as a child; and it’s the you that you can be, but only if you're not always nice.
David Toney Teacher/Author
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